The Steam Tunnel Pilot

Cue Theme Music.  Cue Host.

HOST:   And welcome back for the third hour of Radio Free T4G, where we are blogging and podcasting, live, direct from the Kentucky Fried Chicken Center in Louisville, Kentucky.  It doesn’t get any better than this!

(music fades).  I am your humble host—so humble, in fact, that I don’t get invited to any of the big conferences, but don’t get me started—wouldn’t want to sound like a conspiracy theorist or anything, would I?   Okay, let’s take our first call.  Hello, you’re on Radio Free T4G.

CALLER:   Hi!  Am I on?

HOST:   Yes, you’re on Radio Free T4G.  Who’s this? 

CALLER:   This is Marilee.

HOST:   Hey, Marilee—what’s up?

CALLER:    I’ll tell you what’s up: Those GoAnimate^® videos are brilliant!  Just brilliant!

HOST:   Thank you.

CALLER:   You are just so…. I don’t even know how to say it.

HOST:   Spot on?

CALLER:   Yes!  Exactly!  Spot on!  I don’t know how you do it. 

HOST:   Well, I’m not so sure myself, but thank you for your kind words.  Let’s go to our next caller.  Hi, you’re on RFT4G, who’s this?

CALLER:  This is Sandy Don Meredith.  How are you today?

HOST:   Well, Sandy Don, I’m here at T4G and I’m lovin’ it.

CALLER:   Well, I don’t know if you know this, but the T4G audio was just posted this morning and…

HOST:   Aw, no!  I’m no longer part of the “in” crowd!

CALLER:  (laughs).  That’s right, but the people need to hear this stuff.  Especially C.J.’s message.  It was gold, I tell you—gold!

HOST:   Couldn’t agree with you more, Sandy Don.

CALLER:   All right, Peace.  Love the videos, by the way.

HOST:  Thanks.  Let’s go to our next caller.  Who’s this? 

CALLER:  Hey, is this The Custodian™?

HOST:  You got it, bro’!

CALLER:  Yeah, I’m glad the previous caller mentioned C.J.’s talk.

HOST:  That was great, wasn’t it?  

CALLER:  Well, “great” isn’t exactly what I would call it.

HOST:   What do you mean?  What would you call it?

CALLER:  A disgrace.

HOST:   Excuse me? 

CALLER:  Well, in my humble opinion, he never should have been on that stage in the first place.  And I use the word “stage” advisedly—these T4G/GC things are becoming like a big circus.  But back to C.J.: not a single mention of the shenanigans going on under his aegis—and by the way, when is this “report” going to finally… (clicking, scratching sound, then silence). 

(pause)

HOST:   Hello?  (pause).  Hello?   Well, that’s too bad, I think we lost the caller.   I guess we’re having technical problems or something.   Let’s go to our next caller—assuming, that is, that we’ve fixed our technical problems, of course.  Hello—caller, can you hear me?

CALLER:  Yeah, I can hear you just fine. Look, Custodian, I hate to say it, but the caller before me was right.  I feel very uncomfortable with C.J. being up there when they completely glossed over his… (screeching sound, followed by silence).

(pause)

HOST:  Hello?  (pause).  Hello?  (long pause)  Well, what can I say?  I think we lost another one.  Podcasting is hardly immune from technical glitches, you know.  I think the problem may be sunspots—it is Spring, after all.  (pause)  Now listen.  While we’re waiting for our next call, I want to say something.  Lay off C.J. in these calls, okay?  No more calls about C.J.   Got it?  When I upload this podcast to iTunes, I’m going to be deleting them. Not kidding. Don’t get banned.

(pause).

Okay.  I think we’re ready for our next call.  Hello, you’re on Radio Free T4G, who’s this?

CALLER: This is Tom. 

HOST: Hey, Tom!  How’s it going? 

CALLER: Hey, Custodian, I don’t have much time, but I just wanted to call in and say that I thought C.J.’s message really hit the spot.  As you know, I’m a pastor and I get discouraged, but C.J.’s talk was terrific. 

HOST: Wasn’t it, though?  Hey Tom, thanks for calling.

CALLER: Stay brilliant, Custodian.

HOST:  You know I will.  You’re listening to Radio Free T4G.  And shall we take ... our next call.  Hello.

CALLER:  Hey, can I just point out that no sooner had you made your declaration saying no more calls about C.J., then the very next call was about C.J.? But suddenly it was all right to talk about C.J. because, oh, I don’t know, the caller wanted to praise him? I mean, …. (call interrupted by loud siren sound).

HOST: Well, there’s our V.I.P. siren and that means we have a special break-in call on the V.I.P. Line^®.  Let’s find out who it is—though I have a feeling I know.  Hey, who’s this? 

V.I.P. CALLER: I’ll give you a hint, Custodian:  My new book TWWTG2WTF just got a great review from christianwebsiteredacted.com, and I’ve posted a link to it on our web site.

HOST: Ah, get out of here, you old….

CALLER: Hello?  Excuse me?

HOST: Yes? 

V.I.P. CALLER: Yes?

CALLER: I was hoping to get a response to my point about this selective approach to calls about C.J. Mahaney.  With all due respect to the V.I.P. and his new book, I actually called to speak to the Custodian™. 

HOST: I beg your pardon, sir?  Let me tell you something:  This is not your podcast!  And as far as our V.I.P. caller, I suggest you get yourself a copy of TWWTG2WTF, and that you do it ASAP.  You obviously need it!  Good day, sir!

The nerve of some people!   (To the V.I.P. Caller)  I am so sorry about that; some people have no manners at all.

V.I.P. CALLER:  That’s all right, I gotta go.  But don’t forget to check out the new, positive review of my book, TWWTG2WTF, on christianwebsiteredacted.com.

HOST: You know we will.  Well, time for one or two more calls.  Hello, who’s this?

CALLER:  This is Jeff.  I just want to say how disappointed I am that you are planning to join Tim Challies and Justin Taylor in deleting negative comments about C.J. Mahaney—and now you’re doing the same thing with this podcast. There is so much evidence demonstrating the harm that his leadership has done to so many that it is a serious issue when he appears at T4G as if nothing happened. Please don’t join the Big Shots who are protecting him for one reason or another, or just because he talks a good game.

HOST:  Well, I’m just disappointed that the listeners of Radio Free T4G are conspiracy theorists.  But I do thank you for your call, Jeff.  Time for one more call.  Hello, you’re on RFT4G, who’s this?

CALLER:  This is Hyuk-Suh Kim.

HOST:  Well, I won’t try to repeat the pronunciation of that name, but welcome to Radio Free T4G.  Where are you calling from?

CALLER:  Pyongyang.

HOST:  Well, I’ll have to say, we don’t get all that many calls from North Korea, but these internets are truly an amazing thing.  So, what can I do for you, caller from Pyongyang?

CALLER:  Actually, it is what I can do for you, Mr. Custodian.  I am Chairman of the Propaganda and Agitation Department of the Workers Party of Korea.

HOST:  Yes?  And?

CALLER:  Can we have a copy of your résumé?